They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
