all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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