I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
