Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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