i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So squirting runs in the family.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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