I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
