New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
