i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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