6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone signed my nipple.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
