So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
