Duck Duck Cougar?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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