Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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