No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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