The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
