Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
