So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
