i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
