weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
