Acid is not a monday night drug
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
