You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
