jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
