there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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