"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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