My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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