are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
