have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
