Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
