Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
