One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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