Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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