Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
