My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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