1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
