we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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