Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
