Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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