I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've blown a few things in my day
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
