and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
