i wish starbucks made bloody marys
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
