it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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