i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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