Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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