and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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