Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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