I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
