Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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