i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
