Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What a dumb baby whore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
