susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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