Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
