Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
