I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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