did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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